This week I took my last final exam in the Nursing Program! It was a rough one, but I managed to squeak by and I am only 5 weeks out from graduation day. The past few months have been pretty emotional, but I am proud to say that I have gotten to where I have been wanting to be for quite some time now.
I have so many things to be thankful for at this point in my life:
I am married to the most amazing man; I have a phenomenal family that has been so supportive through my journey in nursing school and all of the stresses that go along with it; My friends in my life are becoming more and more like family each day and without them, I am not sure how I would have made it this far; I have another wonderful family in my life now that has completed my circle and life just continues to improve each day.
I have learned that even when life knocks you down to your knees, anyone has the strength to get back up again and keep fighting. It might not feel like it at the time, but it truly is possible...especially with love and support from family and friends.
Until the next time...
Take care everyone!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Quick Update.
I have been able to meet all of my "new siblings" and have been able to spend a lot of time with them all. It is so great to have a whole new circle of lovely people in my life. Each week has been an adventure so far. We are on week five since the first encounter!!! Crazy how time flies when you are having fun.
My sister, Alyse turned 21 in February, so both my husband and I joined her and the family for that celebration. On that night, I was also able to meet Katt's mother, my biological grandmother. That was a nice surprise! On top of meeting her, I met a LOT of their family and friends that evening. What a whirlwind evening it was.
Both families are still adjusting to life with a new family member or family members...but overall, everything has been very positive.
My sister, Alyse turned 21 in February, so both my husband and I joined her and the family for that celebration. On that night, I was also able to meet Katt's mother, my biological grandmother. That was a nice surprise! On top of meeting her, I met a LOT of their family and friends that evening. What a whirlwind evening it was.
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| Katt, Alyse and I on Alyse's 21st birthday |
Both families are still adjusting to life with a new family member or family members...but overall, everything has been very positive.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Here it is...
Almost 28 years ago, I was adopted by my AMAZING parents...they truly are incredible! I have been given everything I could possibly ask for in life...I went to private school all the way from 1st grade thru graduation, then on to Michigan State University...and now they are continuing to support me through my crazy life as a nursing student at HFCC School of Nursing. My parents are two of the most loving and protective people you could ever meet. They have been married now for 35 years, and are still going strong. This is impressive to me, because I think it is pretty rare anymore to find a couple that makes it past 10 years of marriage!
Now, I am not the only child my parents have...
My older brother, John, is ten years older than me and I have my baby brother, Ryan, who is five years younger than me...interesting spacing with an adoption in there! John is from my mom's first marriage when she was younger, and got divorced and married my dad when John was just a toddler...my dad then adopted John officially as his own! (Seriously, he has such a huge heart!) Then after awhile, my parents decided they wanted to have a baby together, they tried and were not able to; this led them to adopting me. After a little over your years, they found out that they were pregnant with my baby brother Ryan! Thus completing our little family. (This is the abbreviated version)
Back to my adoption...
I have always known that I was adopted, and so have my brothers. And in knowing, and being the curious person that I am, I have always wanted to find my biological mother...I had and still have SO many questions for her. Ever since I can remember, probably since about age 5, I have been seeking out information related to her. Fast forward about 16 years to when I turned 21... my parents gave me some papers from my adoption through Wayne County Catholic Social Services that contained information regarding my biological mother. In this packet from the agency, there was a hand written letter from my bio-mother that explained why she had given me up for adoption (she was 16, bio-father 18 and they were not able to give me the life they thought that I deserved at that time---I already knew this, but now I had a handwritten letter stating the same, and her handwriting was the same as mine!) So, my curiosity only grew more with this letter...I was also given a small amount of information regarding who she was and some statistics regarding her height, hair color, eye color etc, and her name at the time of my birth. The only information given to me regarding my bio-father was his hair color, eye color, and a little family history, but no name. As soon, as I saw her name on that paper, I jumped on google and began my search with no luck. Her name had an interesting spelling on my birth documents, with the "y" before the "r" and that is what I was searching with for several years...without ever getting any results that could possibly be the person I was looking for. And believe me I tried everything! Facebook, myLife, Twitter etc. Nothing ever came up!!! I began to get frustrated, but never really gave up.
About 2 1/2 years ago, something clicked in mind to transpose the "y" and the "r" in her name when I was searching. So I did. I pulled up google while I was sitting at my kitchen table, all by myself, and typed in Kathryn A. B---and I got a search result...Kathryn A. B---/B---- downriver area, Mi Age 42 Living relatives listed were sister and mother. My heart kinda stopped, and I just sat there staring at the computer screen. I checked in the yellow pages for the last name in the two cities listed, and found a listing under Glen B with a phone number. At this point I was in full freak-out mode, but still not 100% that this was who I was looking for, even though everything seemed to match. I had a phone number, but couldn't bring myself to call the number. I didn't know if I was ready for such a transition in my life. I was still pretty newly married, and had gone through a rough patch a couple of years before, and even more so, I didn't know if my parents were ready, and I think even more than that, I was terrified of rejection. And, how do you start that conversation? Go to the address listed, and just knock on the door? Call and say who you are? Or call and say you are calling on behalf of someone and explain who you are looking for? What if this person is who I think, but their husband knows nothing about me...was I ready to turn someone else's life upside down with mine? I sat and thought and thought, and when my husband Josh came home, I was still sitting in front of my computer staring...I explained what had happened and he listened and said he would support me in whatever I wanted to do. I elected to hold on to the name Kathryn B and not go anywhere else with it for the time being. Every now and then I would still search Facebook and the like to find a face to go with the name, but I was never successful. I would even search our guest database at the salon that I work at (Daybreak Salon and Spa in Woodhaven), because it is so large, but nothing ever came up. So, I kept that name in the back of my mind, and went on with my life, still very unsure of if I was ready to find and meet this person or not.
I started nursing school and got into the daily grind of school and work, which also meant I lost what little fitness life I had before I started school and became pretty unhappy with my body and how I felt in general. One of the girls that worked at the salon with me, Devon, invited me to a free Zumba Fitness class. I accepted, and immediately fell in love! This was in January 2011, not only was I in love with this class, I was more obsessed with it! Zumba became the best part of my week, so I started to make it the best part of my day and began attending 6-10 classes per week with the lovely Lourdes, my instructor. She supported me, and invited me to more of her classes outside of Zumba, and I was hooked even more. I started to go to her studio to take classes, Elements of Exercise in Dearborn, Mi. I really enjoyed the atmosphere, and began to think about becoming an instructor myself. I dove in head first, attending every Zumbathon and class that I was able to, and my life became fitness directed.
I owe so much of where I am now to Lourdes and her amazing energy and loving ways. I talked to her about applying at EOE, and she fully supported me, as usual! I interviewed in October 2011, but never got a call back...but I didn't give up. I decided that even if I couldn't work for EOE, I still wanted to become a Zumba instructor. So, I registered for my Zumba B1 training, and on November 27, 2011 I became a licensed ZIN instructor! I started teaching my own classes at my home, my poor husband was and still is a trooper with all of the Zumba that surrounds him now! And as I was teaching, I continued to take classes with Lourdes and EOE. In January 2012, I participated in EOE's 5 day 5am New Year New You bootcamp with my friend, Andrea. It was a hellish week, but we made it through! On the last day of bootcamp, I approached EOE's owner Kara to let her know that if they were still hiring, I would love the opportunity to interview again for position as Zumba instructor for EOE now that I was licensed. A couple of weeks later, I got a call from Kara to audition, so I did and got the job! Whew! It only took 4 months... :-)
I started teaching and training with EOE and the obsession grew even larger! In most of my everyday conversation, Zumba comes up at least (and I am being modest here) 15 times a day! So, fast forward a little bit more to Wednesday February 15, 2012 10:45am, I was at the end of my lecture day at school, and I was talking to my good friend, Krysta, about the new Zumba routines I had just learned. My nursing instructor, Cathy, overheard us talking and asked if I taught Zumba. I replied yes, so she asked where I teach...I began to explain that I teach with Elements of Exercise in Dearborn, but that we teach all over in the downriver/metro-Detroit area.
As I am explaining, she asks "Oh, well then you must know my friend Kathy B----?"
I reply with "No. I am sorry WHAT did you say?"
She again says, "Kathy B----, she is an instructor with Elements of Exercise."
Cue the tears and my face turning bright red, class is over, but there are still students in the classroom that just magically disappear! Cathy, my nursing instructor, sees the tears and the look on my face, so I just say to her "I am adopted, and I am 99% sure that Kathy B---- is my biological mother"
Meanwhile, my friend Krysta is just staring at me with tears in her eyes, and she is trying to hold me up and grab the kleenex!
I started to ask Cathy questions about what she knew about Kathy and her life, her maiden name etc. Cathy didn't have answers to a lot of my questions, but she did have Kathy on her Facebook. Only, Kathy goes by Katt! No wonder my search always came up with nothing. My instructor Cathy pulled up some pictures and told me that Katt teaches at EOE, her kids all went to Gabriel Richard High School. (So did I and both of my brothers!)
At this point, I am almost 100% sure, but not quite there...even though the woman looking back at me from the computer screen looks a lot like me. I left school, and asked my instructor to let me know if she finds anything else out, just add me on Facebook!...but I had to drop paperwork off at EOE studio, so I was planning on doing a bit more investigating on my own. However, because I am so busy, I can be a bit forgetful at times. I forgot the EOE paperwork at home and had to go get it. I get home and decide to look at my adoption papers for more clues. I spent 20 minutes looking, and couldn't find the adoption papers anywhere, but I was on a schedule and had to get to the studio before everyone left for the day.
When I get to EOE studio, Lourdes and two other instructors are there, Alicia and Angie. At first I wasn't going to say anything, but because Lourdes knows me all too well, she could tell something was up. I began by asking if Katt B was an instructor at EOE, she said yes. So, I responded with, well I am adopted (cue Lourdes' first exclamatory scream of the afternoon), and then I said that I thought I might be turning the world of EOE upside down, because I was 99% sure that Katt was my biological mother. (Cue Lourdes 2nd exclamatory scream) Lourdes grabs on to me and hugs me, Alicia is calm blue ocean, and Angie has no idea what to do with all of this. Lourdes and Alicia tell me that there is a picture of Katt in the studio, so we go to look at it. While they are looking at me and then looking at the picture, Lourdes says that Debbie, who does nails at Salon E attached to the studio, has become good friends with Katt and she might be able to answer some questions. So, Lourdes pulls me into the salon and goes straight to Debbie, who is with a client, and introduces me and says that if she has some time I have some questions for her regarding Katt B...the girl who is getting her nails done looks up at me and says "my mom?!" In that moment it was like the whole world came crashing down, the stars and universe and galaxies and everything in between were aligned, and I was looking at my twin! (not really my twin, but she does look just like me)
It was insane, and I fell over into a pedicure bowl and onto the floor. I was later informed that I screamed and then Lourdes screamed for the 3rd time! Lourdes managed to pick me up off the floor, and I sat back down and apologized for my reaction. I am still not sure what words came out of my mouth, but I know that I asked the girl her name, she said she was Alyse, and I responded with Hi, I am Staci and I might be your sister...I then asked if she knew if her mom's maiden name. She did, and it was the exact same maiden name that I had on my adoption papers. I asked what her mom's middle name was, she told me and again it matched my adoption papers. Then I asked if her mom was 44, and she couldn't figure that out right away with all of the confusion, so she pulled out her phone calculator to figure it out and then offered for me to call her mom with more questions...so sweet and kind of her. She had no knowledge of her mom giving a baby up for adoption, and at this point I am thinking to myself F***, I just spilled the beans and rocked everything this girl knows about her family in a matter of 5 minutes. I still am unaware of how I got out of the salon and back into the studio, but I do know I passed my boss Kara on the way out.
Back in the studio, Alicia approached my with Katt's phone number, so I dialed it into my phone but couldn't press the send button. Alicia, called for me from my phone and when the person on the other end answered my stomach dropped. For 22 years I had thought about this moment, but never could really imagine how it would happen, and it just happened on its own for me and I couldn't stop anything once it was in motion. Alicia began to try and explain the situation as professionally and logically as possible, but it was all going in circles...the person on the other end asked to speak to me. I took a deep breath and the phone, and I just said "Hi, this is Staci" The woman on the other end said "Just tell me what you know sweetie" So I did. I said "I was given up for adoption when my biological mother was 16, her name was Kathryn A. B---, I was born at Oakwood Hospital in Dearborn and adopted through Wayne County Catholic Social Services. Is that you?" She simply responded, "Yes it is."
I fell over crying, again! And immediately apologized for spilling the beans to her daughter getting her nails done in the salon. She said "It's okay, it was bound to happen someday. That is Alyse, she is 100% your sister. I married your biological father, and you have two beautiful brothers as well" And so, I fell over for a third time. Katt, on the other end, said she needed some tequila, and for those of you who know me, you understand why that is significant. :-)
We exchanged information, decided that we would meet soon, but that she needed to talk personally with her three children and her husband. Kara, took the phone from me and I just sat there...baffled how all of this took place. The time at this point was 12:30PM.
In a matter of an hour and a half, all of this happened. 22 years of wondering and wanting to know who this person was/is, and I found her. And not only her, but also my bio-father and three siblings. I guess crazier things have happened, but not to me.
So, that is where it all began. I am not exactly ready to share everything else yet...there is a lot of healing that needs to happen with both my family and hers. The reunion was a happy one, which I am thankful for, because I know that oftentimes, reunions between birth parents and child/children are not happy.
I am still taking it all in, and as much as I would like to believe that I have processed it all, if I am being truly honest with myself, I am not even close to processing half of what has occurred over the past two weeks.
My family is still my family, my mom and dad are still MY mom and dad. Finding Katt, Glen, Alyse, Nick and Alec has just allowed me to have more lovely people in my circle. And for anyone who does know me, knows that I have a very large heart as well, just like my mommy and my daddy, and that in no way shape or form do I have a limited capacity to love. I truly enjoy opening myself to others and allowing my circle to get larger! Who couldn't use more support and love in their lives? Even the person who thinks they have it all, can use just a bit more!
Until next time...
Please feel free to add comments, or questions. I am open to answering pretty much any question regarding this part of my life.
Now, I am not the only child my parents have...
My older brother, John, is ten years older than me and I have my baby brother, Ryan, who is five years younger than me...interesting spacing with an adoption in there! John is from my mom's first marriage when she was younger, and got divorced and married my dad when John was just a toddler...my dad then adopted John officially as his own! (Seriously, he has such a huge heart!) Then after awhile, my parents decided they wanted to have a baby together, they tried and were not able to; this led them to adopting me. After a little over your years, they found out that they were pregnant with my baby brother Ryan! Thus completing our little family. (This is the abbreviated version)
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| Ryan, My Dad holding my nephew James, and John |
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| Me & My Mommy |
I have always known that I was adopted, and so have my brothers. And in knowing, and being the curious person that I am, I have always wanted to find my biological mother...I had and still have SO many questions for her. Ever since I can remember, probably since about age 5, I have been seeking out information related to her. Fast forward about 16 years to when I turned 21... my parents gave me some papers from my adoption through Wayne County Catholic Social Services that contained information regarding my biological mother. In this packet from the agency, there was a hand written letter from my bio-mother that explained why she had given me up for adoption (she was 16, bio-father 18 and they were not able to give me the life they thought that I deserved at that time---I already knew this, but now I had a handwritten letter stating the same, and her handwriting was the same as mine!) So, my curiosity only grew more with this letter...I was also given a small amount of information regarding who she was and some statistics regarding her height, hair color, eye color etc, and her name at the time of my birth. The only information given to me regarding my bio-father was his hair color, eye color, and a little family history, but no name. As soon, as I saw her name on that paper, I jumped on google and began my search with no luck. Her name had an interesting spelling on my birth documents, with the "y" before the "r" and that is what I was searching with for several years...without ever getting any results that could possibly be the person I was looking for. And believe me I tried everything! Facebook, myLife, Twitter etc. Nothing ever came up!!! I began to get frustrated, but never really gave up.
About 2 1/2 years ago, something clicked in mind to transpose the "y" and the "r" in her name when I was searching. So I did. I pulled up google while I was sitting at my kitchen table, all by myself, and typed in Kathryn A. B---and I got a search result...Kathryn A. B---/B---- downriver area, Mi Age 42 Living relatives listed were sister and mother. My heart kinda stopped, and I just sat there staring at the computer screen. I checked in the yellow pages for the last name in the two cities listed, and found a listing under Glen B with a phone number. At this point I was in full freak-out mode, but still not 100% that this was who I was looking for, even though everything seemed to match. I had a phone number, but couldn't bring myself to call the number. I didn't know if I was ready for such a transition in my life. I was still pretty newly married, and had gone through a rough patch a couple of years before, and even more so, I didn't know if my parents were ready, and I think even more than that, I was terrified of rejection. And, how do you start that conversation? Go to the address listed, and just knock on the door? Call and say who you are? Or call and say you are calling on behalf of someone and explain who you are looking for? What if this person is who I think, but their husband knows nothing about me...was I ready to turn someone else's life upside down with mine? I sat and thought and thought, and when my husband Josh came home, I was still sitting in front of my computer staring...I explained what had happened and he listened and said he would support me in whatever I wanted to do. I elected to hold on to the name Kathryn B and not go anywhere else with it for the time being. Every now and then I would still search Facebook and the like to find a face to go with the name, but I was never successful. I would even search our guest database at the salon that I work at (Daybreak Salon and Spa in Woodhaven), because it is so large, but nothing ever came up. So, I kept that name in the back of my mind, and went on with my life, still very unsure of if I was ready to find and meet this person or not.
I started nursing school and got into the daily grind of school and work, which also meant I lost what little fitness life I had before I started school and became pretty unhappy with my body and how I felt in general. One of the girls that worked at the salon with me, Devon, invited me to a free Zumba Fitness class. I accepted, and immediately fell in love! This was in January 2011, not only was I in love with this class, I was more obsessed with it! Zumba became the best part of my week, so I started to make it the best part of my day and began attending 6-10 classes per week with the lovely Lourdes, my instructor. She supported me, and invited me to more of her classes outside of Zumba, and I was hooked even more. I started to go to her studio to take classes, Elements of Exercise in Dearborn, Mi. I really enjoyed the atmosphere, and began to think about becoming an instructor myself. I dove in head first, attending every Zumbathon and class that I was able to, and my life became fitness directed.
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| 3 Day Susan G. Komen Zumbathon March 2011 |
I started teaching and training with EOE and the obsession grew even larger! In most of my everyday conversation, Zumba comes up at least (and I am being modest here) 15 times a day! So, fast forward a little bit more to Wednesday February 15, 2012 10:45am, I was at the end of my lecture day at school, and I was talking to my good friend, Krysta, about the new Zumba routines I had just learned. My nursing instructor, Cathy, overheard us talking and asked if I taught Zumba. I replied yes, so she asked where I teach...I began to explain that I teach with Elements of Exercise in Dearborn, but that we teach all over in the downriver/metro-Detroit area.
As I am explaining, she asks "Oh, well then you must know my friend Kathy B----?"
I reply with "No. I am sorry WHAT did you say?"
She again says, "Kathy B----, she is an instructor with Elements of Exercise."
Cue the tears and my face turning bright red, class is over, but there are still students in the classroom that just magically disappear! Cathy, my nursing instructor, sees the tears and the look on my face, so I just say to her "I am adopted, and I am 99% sure that Kathy B---- is my biological mother"
Meanwhile, my friend Krysta is just staring at me with tears in her eyes, and she is trying to hold me up and grab the kleenex!
I started to ask Cathy questions about what she knew about Kathy and her life, her maiden name etc. Cathy didn't have answers to a lot of my questions, but she did have Kathy on her Facebook. Only, Kathy goes by Katt! No wonder my search always came up with nothing. My instructor Cathy pulled up some pictures and told me that Katt teaches at EOE, her kids all went to Gabriel Richard High School. (So did I and both of my brothers!)
At this point, I am almost 100% sure, but not quite there...even though the woman looking back at me from the computer screen looks a lot like me. I left school, and asked my instructor to let me know if she finds anything else out, just add me on Facebook!...but I had to drop paperwork off at EOE studio, so I was planning on doing a bit more investigating on my own. However, because I am so busy, I can be a bit forgetful at times. I forgot the EOE paperwork at home and had to go get it. I get home and decide to look at my adoption papers for more clues. I spent 20 minutes looking, and couldn't find the adoption papers anywhere, but I was on a schedule and had to get to the studio before everyone left for the day.
When I get to EOE studio, Lourdes and two other instructors are there, Alicia and Angie. At first I wasn't going to say anything, but because Lourdes knows me all too well, she could tell something was up. I began by asking if Katt B was an instructor at EOE, she said yes. So, I responded with, well I am adopted (cue Lourdes' first exclamatory scream of the afternoon), and then I said that I thought I might be turning the world of EOE upside down, because I was 99% sure that Katt was my biological mother. (Cue Lourdes 2nd exclamatory scream) Lourdes grabs on to me and hugs me, Alicia is calm blue ocean, and Angie has no idea what to do with all of this. Lourdes and Alicia tell me that there is a picture of Katt in the studio, so we go to look at it. While they are looking at me and then looking at the picture, Lourdes says that Debbie, who does nails at Salon E attached to the studio, has become good friends with Katt and she might be able to answer some questions. So, Lourdes pulls me into the salon and goes straight to Debbie, who is with a client, and introduces me and says that if she has some time I have some questions for her regarding Katt B...the girl who is getting her nails done looks up at me and says "my mom?!" In that moment it was like the whole world came crashing down, the stars and universe and galaxies and everything in between were aligned, and I was looking at my twin! (not really my twin, but she does look just like me)
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| Alyse is on the left with the blonde hair & I am on the right with my husband Josh |
Back in the studio, Alicia approached my with Katt's phone number, so I dialed it into my phone but couldn't press the send button. Alicia, called for me from my phone and when the person on the other end answered my stomach dropped. For 22 years I had thought about this moment, but never could really imagine how it would happen, and it just happened on its own for me and I couldn't stop anything once it was in motion. Alicia began to try and explain the situation as professionally and logically as possible, but it was all going in circles...the person on the other end asked to speak to me. I took a deep breath and the phone, and I just said "Hi, this is Staci" The woman on the other end said "Just tell me what you know sweetie" So I did. I said "I was given up for adoption when my biological mother was 16, her name was Kathryn A. B---, I was born at Oakwood Hospital in Dearborn and adopted through Wayne County Catholic Social Services. Is that you?" She simply responded, "Yes it is."
I fell over crying, again! And immediately apologized for spilling the beans to her daughter getting her nails done in the salon. She said "It's okay, it was bound to happen someday. That is Alyse, she is 100% your sister. I married your biological father, and you have two beautiful brothers as well" And so, I fell over for a third time. Katt, on the other end, said she needed some tequila, and for those of you who know me, you understand why that is significant. :-)
We exchanged information, decided that we would meet soon, but that she needed to talk personally with her three children and her husband. Kara, took the phone from me and I just sat there...baffled how all of this took place. The time at this point was 12:30PM.
In a matter of an hour and a half, all of this happened. 22 years of wondering and wanting to know who this person was/is, and I found her. And not only her, but also my bio-father and three siblings. I guess crazier things have happened, but not to me.
So, that is where it all began. I am not exactly ready to share everything else yet...there is a lot of healing that needs to happen with both my family and hers. The reunion was a happy one, which I am thankful for, because I know that oftentimes, reunions between birth parents and child/children are not happy.
I am still taking it all in, and as much as I would like to believe that I have processed it all, if I am being truly honest with myself, I am not even close to processing half of what has occurred over the past two weeks.
My family is still my family, my mom and dad are still MY mom and dad. Finding Katt, Glen, Alyse, Nick and Alec has just allowed me to have more lovely people in my circle. And for anyone who does know me, knows that I have a very large heart as well, just like my mommy and my daddy, and that in no way shape or form do I have a limited capacity to love. I truly enjoy opening myself to others and allowing my circle to get larger! Who couldn't use more support and love in their lives? Even the person who thinks they have it all, can use just a bit more!
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| Glen, Katt, Alec, Alyse, Nick |
(In the picture of the Zumbathon further above, from March 2011, myself and my mom are there as well as my biological mother Katt and her daughter (my sister Alyse) !!! And at that point we had no idea who the other was...craziness yet again!)
Until next time...
Please feel free to add comments, or questions. I am open to answering pretty much any question regarding this part of my life.
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